THINGS THAT HAPPENED WHEN I WALK TO WORK IN HOLLYWOOD

  1. A homeless man airhumped me from behind.
  2. A child slapped his mother across the face and mother said, "Harder next time!"
  3. I talked to a nice young man at a stop light who told me to only reuse a condom once.
  4. I slipped on Chinese food.
  5. A man walked out of Pressed Juicery and said, "Fuck this! I'm going to Arby's!"
  6. I sang out loud the entire way to my office because I knew it would be liberating and I would still be the most normal person on the street.