HOW TO DEAL WITH CHIGGERS

As you may know, chiggers don't just bite you, but they move into your skin and live there until you do something about it. Here are some helpful tips on getting them to move out.
  1. Put clear nail polish on the bite.
    This should suffocate them.
  2. Play your music really loudly when you know they have to be up early for work the next morning.
  3. When you finish the milk, put the empty jug back into the fridge.
  4. Stop flushing the toilet when you pee and insist that you are just trying to save on the water bill.
  5. Never use a spatter guard when making bacon, and never wipe the stove top down when you are done.
  6. Ask them for an extension on your share of the rent for 3 months in a row.
  7. When your family visits, let them stay on the pull out couch in the living room.
  8. Don't give them a heads up when you bring home that girl from the bar down the street.
  9. Wear their clothes without asking and insist you thought that it was your sweater and that you found it in your laundry basket anyway.
  10. Watch porn in the living room.
  11. Leave the dishes in the sink until you are out of spoons and forks.
  12. Don't water their fucking hydrangea even though they asked you to, and they are going out of town for about a week.