Ranking the Goonies
This is a ranking based on my opinion after watching the movie recently, not my first reaction to the movie.
- 1.ChunkChunk being ranked #1 was inevitable. He is unquestionably the coolest/funniest motherfucker in the entire movie. Not only can he tell the flavor of ice cream or pizza just by smelling it but the "truffle shuffle" was absolute 🔥🔥🔥🔥
- 2.MikeyAfter Chunk you gotta go with the leader Mikey. Ya gotta respect his determination to keep goin to find the treasure and you're kinda automatically drawn to like him cause of his cool demeanor but he gets kinda annoying when he keeps complaining about how they need to keep going.
- 3.DataData's a clever bastard with all his cool gadgets and shit and his boobie traps that he can set up like a tiny little McGyver but he's only gettin ranked 3 cause that trench coat he wears makes me feel like he's about to go flash some lady in the parking lot at the grocery store.
- 4.MouthMouth's smart ass remarks were funny at times but other times you'd just kinda wish he'd shut up. However, he's saved by his Purple Rain t-shirt cause Prince is the shit and beyond that he came in absolutely clutch with his spanish being able to translate One-Eyed Willy's map.
- 5.AndyBeing the only remotely attractive girl in the entire movie puts Andy above Brand automatically even though she couldn't even hit all the right notes on the piano. Rank amateur shit that was.
- 6.BrandHonestly didn't really have any opinion on Brand. He pulled so ya gotta give him that but he was hangin out with his kid brother and his friends so it's like "ehhh"
- 13.StefLiterally the WORST PERSON IN THE ENTIRE MOVIE. I couldn't even rank her close to any of the other characters in good conscience. I absolutely could not stand Stef. Just a straight up bitch. Anyone who either likes her/doesn't mind her is a psychopath and should be locked up for life cause they shouldn't be allowed to walk around in society. If Hitler, Mussolini, and this chick were in a room and I had 1 bullet I'd kill hitler then pistol whip the shit out of Stef.