What New Years Resolutions Actually Mean

Every year people come up with some bullshit resolution so they can go around and tell all their friends for the first month of the year and feel better about themselves
  1. I'm gonna lose 10 pounds
    I realize I'm overweight but 10 lbs sounds like a pretty believable goal so no one will call my bluff when I get pizza twice a week and can still drink all the beer I want.
  2. I'm gonna go to the gym more
    Now I'm not even gonna make a goal so I can just tell people "yeah I'm goin to the gym 3 times a week but it's just not workin" as you stuff 30 hot wings into your mouth.
  3. I'm gonna go on a diet
    By diet I mean get a Diet Coke with my 2 Big Macs and large fry... "Cause I'm on a diet"
  4. I'm gonna go out more and meet new people
    I'm gonna make over-the-top extravagant plans with friends then after about 2 weekends you realize that your bank account can't support that type of lifestyle so you start bailing on all the plans you make.
  5. I'm gonna travel more
    I'm gonna just tell everyone where I want to travel to as much as I can but never actually go there cause who the fuck got time for that.