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  1. Wait, the Onion didn't come up with this first?
  2. The fact that I initially mistook this for real news says more about him than me.
  3. If real, his internal dialogue would be "If I can't do it due to my religious beliefs, then no one can do it!"
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I'm typically an extrovert but sometimes I just want to shut out the rest of the world
  1. Extra-long showers
  2. Solitaire
  3. Go for a drive and blast some 80s music
2 more...
  1. Ignoring Waze and thinking my own navigation will be faster
  2. Not checking the roll to see if there is toilet paper before sitting down to go
  3. Looking in a three-way mirror while trying on bathing suits
4 more...
  1. I wear the same shoe size as your average 9 year old girl.
  2. I have an 8 and a half year old daughter which means I am six months away from sharing shoes with her. (I also love her more fiercely than I ever thought I could love another human being).
  3. I will never get a tattoo because of my intense fear of needles but if I did, the Muppets would somehow be involved.
4 more...
These Jams make me want to groove both in the heart and on the dance floor. So much goodness here from the band names and songs featuring creative spelling to the addictive hooks. Just try not to let that tootsee roll. Dare you.
  1. 1.
    I Wish - Skee-Lo
  2. 2.
    I Got a Man - Positive K
  3. 3.
    Bust A Move - Young MC
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