House-hunting in New Jersey
I disappear from time to time, but not without good reason. We are buying a house in New Jersey and it has been exhausting and eventful. If we were on "Fixer Upper," these are some of the names we might have given some of the more memorable houses we've seen.
- •Sad Dad HouseThe owner was home (I don't recommend this!) and felt the need to tell us that his home had hardly been lived in as he and his wife split up and his kids never visit, even though he bought the house so they could visit, even though they never do, but they could, but they didn't. We heard this an uncomfortable number of times. It was delightful.
- •House With A Pool... On DisplayThe pool was easily seen by a huge apartment complex. So, yeah, no.
- •I-Chain-Smoke-But-Only-In-The-Garage HouseHard pass.
- •Peeing With The RockettesThere were two different houses with a bathroom with mirrors everywhere! Wall-to-wall mirrors and on the ceiling, too. On Friends, Joey referred to a bathroom like that as "peeing with the Rockettes," which is slightly more chipper than, say, pooping with the Rockettes.
- •Strong Smell Of Urine HouseThat house had an upstairs. We didn't need to see it.
- •"This Orange Paint Was On Sale"It must have been because it was everywhere! Whatever else we liked or didn't like, that was the most memorable. I get people on "house hunters" not being able to get past the paint color when it is EVERYWHERE!!! You just can't escape it.
- •There were a couple of near misses...
- •MetalworksWe were thisclose to making an offer on a house that had some construction across the street from it. I assumed it was a house as it was a residential area, but I called the city anyway and found out it was a future industrial metalworks shop and warehouse. Hard pass.
- •Yes, But Not Right NowWe made an offer on a house we loved and they accepted our offer... if we would wait till JUNE to close. Five months. With a new crazy president and lots of uncertainty. Yeah. Hilarious. Nope.
- •Please-Come-Back House (formerly known as "Yes, But Not Right Now)We found out from our realtor that the listing agent of the house that wanted us to wait until June called—and rather humbly, too—to say they made a mistake and would we please reconsider our offer. We have found a house we love more and are deep into the process of making that house ours... so, no thanks.