The Worst Places to Get a Sunburn, Ranked
This list is to honor the spectacular sunburn I got on my arms, décolletage, and face yesterday when I showed up to a BBQ without sunscreen like a fool. I am a pasty white girl. I have no business being in the sun, ever. I have been to urgent care TWICE for sun poisoning, so I know a little bit about this one.
- 1.Your junkI cannot speak to this one. There's a reason "the sun don't shine" in certain places because dealing with overexposure would be nightmarish. My mom told me a story (which I wish I could unhear) of my parents falling asleep naked under a sun lamp when they were newlyweds. My mom had the foresight to grab a washcloth to cover my dad's manly parts before they cooked themselves. They might have been that childless couple you know—no children, but no unsightly tan lines, soooo...
- 2.Any part that creases: hip crease, back of knees, neckRemember when Jane on Mad Men gets sunburned? She told Don that she got burned on the back of her knees—because it's THE WORST.
- 3.BackYou are toast if your whole back is burned. Forget sleeping comfortably. Forget a shower that doesn't cause mad itching and convulsions (based on a true story). Forget wearing a shirt, or a bra. Forget sitting with your back on a chair. You. Are. Toast.
- 4.Full chest and bellyAgain, I cannot speak to this one. Cooked nipples cannot be comfortable for anyone.
- 5.FeetHere's some advice to assess if you have cooked your foot. Just look at it. DOCTOR: "Does the skin look red, swollen?" DWIGHT: "That's what she said."
- 6.LegsBecause going places without pants is frowned upon.
- 7.Everything elseEh, you'll live.