This list is to honor the spectacular sunburn I got on my arms, décolletage, and face yesterday when I showed up to a BBQ without sunscreen like a fool. I am a pasty white girl. I have no business being in the sun, ever. I have been to urgent care TWICE for sun poisoning, so I know a little bit about this one.
  1. Your junk
    I cannot speak to this one. There's a reason "the sun don't shine" in certain places because dealing with overexposure would be nightmarish. My mom told me a story (which I wish I could unhear) of my parents falling asleep naked under a sun lamp when they were newlyweds. My mom had the foresight to grab a washcloth to cover my dad's manly parts before they cooked themselves. They might have been that childless couple you know—no children, but no unsightly tan lines, soooo...
  2. Any part that creases: hip crease, back of knees, neck
    Remember when Jane on Mad Men gets sunburned? She told Don that she got burned on the back of her knees—because it's THE WORST.
  3. Back
    Giphy downsized medium
    You are toast if your whole back is burned. Forget sleeping comfortably. Forget a shower that doesn't cause mad itching and convulsions (based on a true story). Forget wearing a shirt, or a bra. Forget sitting with your back on a chair. You. Are. Toast.
  4. Full chest and belly
    Again, I cannot speak to this one. Cooked nipples cannot be comfortable for anyone.
  5. Feet
    Here's some advice to assess if you have cooked your foot. Just look at it. DOCTOR: "Does the skin look red, swollen?" DWIGHT: "That's what she said."
  6. Legs
    Because going places without pants is frowned upon.
  7. Everything else
    Eh, you'll live.