Things on my Resume I Really Wish were True: Fantasy Edition

If only I could be as amazing as my resume thinks I am...
  1. Composer, lyricist, and star of the smash Broadway hit "Hamilton"
    Also won Pulitzer Prize for same
  2. Mother of the Year
    This is an actual prize. You should look it up. I have a certificate. It is a real thing.
  3. Fluent in French, Italian, Portuguese...
    Well, all the Romance languages, really. #thankslatin
  4. Winner of Top Chef
    I host a kids cooking competition now.
  5. Fitness personality
    Check out my YouTube channel MotherOfSixPack for weekly routines lesser mortals can only dream of doing. You'll never look like me, but you can loathe yourself while you wish you did.
  6. Increased profit margin by 16%
    Well...we did stop giving away free samples and they fired overpaid Bob. It did happen while I was there, so it counts. Right?
    Suggested by   @cory222