According to The Lonely Island
  1. Loud clubs
    Bad for your ears
  2. Drugs
    Not legal
  3. Banks
    Known to fail, bury your money in the backyard.
  4. Cars
  5. Buses
  6. Boats
  7. Trains
  8. Planes
  9. Travel of any kind
  10. Bombs
    Build a shelter with titanium walls
  11. Falling pianos
    Wear a titanium suit
  12. Saunas
    Crawling with piranhas
  13. Stairs
    Often unsafe
  14. Fun
  15. Undercooked meat
  16. Kids
    Mad lice
  17. Germs and bacteria
    No such thing as too much Purell
  18. Electricity
    Don't force plugs in sockets
  19. Sex
    Wear a triple-locked chastity belt
  20. Poison
    Hire a taster
  21. Mailman
    Might be a spy
  22. Blankets
    Can choke you in your sleep
  23. Pajamas
    Can also choke you in your sleep
  24. Furniture
    Killing machines
  25. Sun
    Bad for your health—board up your windows
  26. Yourself
    Always wear a strait jacket
  27. Chances
  28. Freelancing
  29. Diluted finances
  30. High risk 401k
  31. Lack of real estate
  32. Forgery
  33. Renting
    It's for suckers right now
  34. People
    Isolate yourself and just roll solo
  35. Identification by fingerprints
    Burn them off
  36. Biting your tongue
    Pull out all your teeth
  37. Dying
    Don't go outside