THESE ARE MY CONFESSIONS

  1. I don't understand a lot of slang terms.
    Like fleek. What the hell does that mean?
  2. I have a horrible fear of birds.
  3. In sixth grade while on a field trip, I punched my good friend so hard he cried and then had to beg him not to tell his dad.
  4. I don't own any Beyoncé music.
  5. I have road rage.
    Once while driving the mile to work from my apartment, I yelled at other drivers five separate times. One of those times, I shouted, "Get the fuck of the motherfucking road, you fucking idiot!"
  6. I have totaled two cars.
  7. In that same vein, I've gotten in two car accidents in my driveway.
    Both with a car belonging to a member of my family.
  8. I have eleven tattoos and a nipple piercing.
    I used to have my lip pierced in my younger days.
  9. One time I almost dropped my little nephew when he threw up on me suddenly.
  10. I cry at commercials more than I do at funerals.
  11. Sometimes I say things without knowing if they're true.
    It's not lying, it's things I think are probably true, but I have absolutely no proof that they are.
  12. The other day, I playfully karate chopped my nephew and made him cry because he was scared.
    In my defense, I was told that he liked it.
  13. Even though I say I like foreign movies (and I do), it's usually not enough to watch a movie with subtitles.
  14. There's not a person in this world I trust 100%
    Sometimes I worry there never will be.
  15. I once almost got kicked out of school my senior year of college.
    Like I was THIS close. That was fun.
  16. I have only been in love once, and I'm worried I'll never feel that again.
  17. I have forced myself to throw up before and lied and said I had food poisoning.
  18. I've been "the other man"
    And I feel appropriately shitty about it and regret it.
  19. One of my longest stories is actually a 750+ page long Scream fanfic.
    Which I wrote in less than three weeks.
  20. On one of my first dates, I didn't even know it was a date until years later. Years.
  21. I swear like a sailor.
  22. I've only been in a few serious relationships.
    I'm just too difficult to tolerate for long.
  23. One time I didn't forgive someone very important to me even though I should have and even though she was asking for it.
    The next time I saw her, she was dead.
  24. When I first graduated college, I applied to over 60 places (all hiring) and only got three job interviews of of it (and zero jobs).
    That was a humbling experience, let me tell you.
  25. I don't remember the last time I told someone I loved them.
    It's not that I don't feel it, I just can't say it.