THINGS I AM KNOWN FOR AT WORK

  1. I live closer than perhaps anyone else who works there
  2. I say "son of a bitch" a lot. Like...A LOT
  3. Actually I swear a lot in general
  4. I have a very specific and neurotic system for stocking things in the department
  5. I hate children
  6. I have vast knowledge of famous Internet cats
  7. I have a misguided tattoo on my hand
  8. I am a vegetarian
  9. I become angry when there aren't veggie burgers in the café. Seriously though, if they're on the menu, you better fucking have them is all I'm saying
  10. I walk much faster than the average human
  11. Likewise, I find slow walkers infinitely frustrating
  12. I have a "sad phone voice"
  13. I like to make lists.