THINGS I'LL HAVE TO TELL MY FUTURE KIDS EVENTUALLY.

I'll probably tell them when they're as young as possible so they just think it's normal.
  1. I met your dad on tinder, got drunk, cried, and threw up all over his bathroom on the very first night we met.
  2. .
  3. .
  4. .
  5. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯