Why I Don't Care that I Gained 20 Pounds.

  1. I stepped on a scale recently to find I hit my heaviest point of 140 pounds.
    I've stayed at a pretty consistent 120 for the past 7 or 8 years of my life.
  2. What a lot of people don't know is that I hit a low point a couple years back and unexpectedly dropped about 15 pounds in a month.
    This was me at my lowest point of 110 pounds. I was in a terrible relationship that caused me to lose all my self confidence. I was depressed, insecure, tired, and sad all the time. My face was gaunt and my wrists were fragile. My parents were scared. I also hated the way I looked at this point. It was unnatural.
  3. I overate and over drank this summer due to stress and depression. I stopped exercising and cooking meals and relied on take out and vodka to satisfy the empty feeling inside of me.
    This of course led to many judgmental remarks by my mom, sisters, and recently, my dad. They noticed my weight gain and weren't afraid to call me out on it. They didn't know the reasons behind it, and probably never will, so I've been patient with them.
  4. Recently, I've managed to get the help I need and am slowly working on putting my life back together.
    I stopped drinking on weekdays, my mom (bless her) bought me a meal plan at school so I can stop eating Chinese food everyday, I'm in counseling, and I'm taking medications when needed.
  5. I could choose to be angry at myself for "letting myself go," but here's why I'm choosing to remain happy:
  6. My family is healthy and safe.
  7. My puppy is happy and loved.
  8. I'm almost done with my college degree.
    Currently a 3.4 GPA, above the average for my major.
  9. I have the coolest job ever.
    Intern at a police station aka "Baby Cop"
  10. My Mandarin is getting better.
  11. I improved on my mile time.
    10:30!! 🎉 I also ran outside for the first time last week instead of at the gym and found out I love it.
  12. I don't believe in "dressing for your figure." I love wearing tight clothes and will do so until I die. I found this actually helped my confidence stay up.
    I'll probably wear a leather skirt and crop top to my future husbands funeral.
  13. My face is chubbier and my belly is a bit bigger. There's a few items of clothing I accepted I can't button up anymore.
  14. But I'm happy and taking care of myself. No number can take that away from me.