LIVING LARGE IN THE MIDWEST

There's not much to do for entertainment in the Midwest so people have to get resourceful.
  1. Walmart
    Nothing to do? Go walk around Walmart. This is a favorite among teenagers who just started driving but who aren't old enough to get into bars. Target also works in this scenario, but only if you're fancy.
  2. Parking Lots
    This is another favorite teenager past time. With nowhere fun to hang out in the midwest teenagers often congregate in parking lots to sit on the hoods of their cars and socialize. An Arby's parking lot would be a great option for this type of hang out.
  3. Malls
    Whether you're actually shopping or just walking around eating a pretzel and people watching this is a great midwestern time killer.
  4. Direct Selling Parties
    Midwestern women are big fans of pressuring their friends into attending a variety of "parties." These parties aren't fun or festive at all. Instead you are forced to sit through a sales pitch and then pressured to buy a plethora of over priced items you don't want. Popular crap that is peddled at these events includes Pampered Chef, Tupperware, Premier, Scentsy, and if you want to be really uncomfortable you can attend a Slumber Party which is an awkward group setting for buying sex toys.
  5. Fires
    You have several options to hang out with your friends in the presence of fire, if you're into that sort of thing. You could share some beers while sitting around a fire pit. You could host a backyard cookout and cook some steaks over the warm fire of a grill. Or if you're really hardcore you could attend a bon fire. Not familiar? It's a horribly dangerous party where drunk people socialize around a teetering heap of burning twigs.
  6. Eating
    In some parts of the world food may only exist for survival, but in the midwest it doubles as a source of entertainment.
  7. TV/Movies
    If you can't have an exciting life in the midwest it's a good idea to live vicariously through your various TV and movie heroes. Dates with friends to binge watch Netflix is a common occurrence.
  8. Sports
    Whether you're the quarterback of the high school football team, or the proud parent of said jock, the high school football stadium is the place to be on a crisp fall evening. College sports are also a big deal. It's typical for midwesterners to pledge their full allegiance to one or another state university and their accompanying sports teams. Oddly enough this allegiance is usually held strongest by those who did not attend that college...or any college for that matter.
  9. Travel
    The most highly suggested form of entertainment in the midwest is leaving the midwest to visit a more exotic location.