PARENTING 101

If you skip these steps you're a lazy parent and your child is sure to be a social outcast.
  1. The Announcement
    Unless you're Erika and never say a word about your pregnancy on Facebook until the baby is several days old, these days it's common to book a photographer just for an announcement photo. The happy parents to be are usually posed with a chalkboard with the due date written on it or maybe even the poor dog's been roped into it.
  2. The Gender Reveal
    People have parties just to announce the gender of their child. They cut into pink or blue cakes or open a giant box releasing pink or blue balloons. And other people take time out of their busy schedules just to witness this. Why? What happened to just finding out and letting people know as you see them? (Jamie will admit to making Erika meet up for lunch for a one on one reveal, but Erika did not throw a gender reveal party.)
  3. Maternity Photo Shoot
    We hate having our picture taken on our best days. But now people routinely have full on photo shoots (on location!) while 8 months pregnant. Because, why wouldn't you want a framed 8x10 of you looking your most jowly?
  4. Baby Birthday Bashes
    To celebrate keeping a baby alive for 12 months, people are throwing down some serious cash to host a "Super Sweet 16" style party for their one year old. These parties are fully themed, have a minimum guest list of 50 people, and include a petting zoo or something equally impressive. No baby should have memories of a shoddy first birthday party, right? How else will they know they are loved?
  5. Smash Cakes
    As if the birthday bash itself wasn't enough of a splurge, people are purchasing separate mini designer cakes (like something off of Cake Boss) for their child to either destroy, or maybe not even care about. Long gone are the days where the baby just gets a piece of the cake everyone else has to eat.