If I was elected president of the United States (fingers crossed) I would IMMEDIATELY create an Executive Order that makes a wide variety of hats and accessories illegal. NOTE: THIS IS NOT AN EXHAUSTIVE LIST. MORE STUPID STYLE CHOICES MAY BE ADDED AT A MOMENT'S NOTICE.
  1. Fedoras
    Because of course
  2. Toe rings
    Don't attract attention to your feet that's disgusting
  3. Piercings other than ear piercings
    No need for them
  4. Barbed wire tattoos
    Sorry, I guess now there's no way of knowing if somebody's tough or not
  5. Berets
    If you're not an artist and you're not in the army it's pretty simple you definitely don't need one
  6. Small man-buns
    If you don't have long enough hair then don't force it you doucheface
  7. Floppy-ass hats
    Ladies, I'm speaking to you– a hat with a reasonably-sized brim will suffice, I promise you