LIES I'VE TOLD MY GODSON LATELY

  1. "Ok, you go hide. I'll find you."
    I mean I will, but I'm going to sit here for a few minutes first.
  2. "I activated my special invisibility power so that the alien/zombie/creature/villain can't see me."
    Look kid, we've been running around ALL afternoon. I don't have the same kind of energy as a five year old, so I'm gonna sit here and catch my breath while you continue to run around the yard.
  3. "Try it, you'll like it."
    I know that you'll probably say it tastes gross. I get it. I didn't like my vegetables as a kid either. But they're good for you so please just eat a forkful so I can tell your mom I gave you a relatively healthy dinner.
  4. "I'm not sure, I guess the batteries died."
    It was loud. I took the batteries out.
  5. "The car can't move unless your seatbelt is buckled."
    Not technically a lie because I actually won't start driving until everyone in the vehicle has a seatbelt on, you know, because safety. I don't get that good driver discount on my car insurance for nothing.
  6. "The cat ate the rest of your chips because you left the bag out."
    I ate the rest of your chips because you left the bag out.