THINGS I'VE INADVERTENTLY MARKETED FOR

As I downloaded this app I found myself texting all my funny friends and telling them how they need to get this app. Like I texted 12 different people. Idk what's better, B J. Novak's PR about this dang app....or the actual The List App. Thing is....this isn't the first time I've done this.
  1. Faux blue-Jean bikini
    At the age of seven I was the proud owner of a two piece Limited Too bathing suit designed to look like you were wearing jean shorts and a jean bikini top. I was utterly amazed at the illusion it created to the naked eye. Naturally I put it on every time not only I had friends over but when my parents had friends over so they could all gawk at my swimsuit find. I even shared a Limited Too bathing suit catalog with my moms friends in case they wanted one too.
  2. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory Movie 2005 edition
    It was a mix between being in love with Johnny Depp and thinking I was a punk rock girl. After seeing this movie my life was impacted. Upon request my dad took me to the mall and I purchased a shirt, notebook, stickers, a pen and buttons of said movie. I then called my family in Venezuela, you know the communist country where people struggle to buy toilet paper, and deeply encouraged them to get to a theater and watch this marvelous film. They told me they would try.
  3. Judy Blume and the fudge books
    In 3rd grade I had the reading level of a 10th grader. All my peers were highly interested in my secret, Judy Blume. Her books were roughly 300 pages long. I told everyone their reading levels would go up by reading her books. I brought my collection to class and let people borrow them for the price of two tickets (which I would trade in to the teacher for small useless toys). They were basically investing in their future And their lexile!
  4. The Gypsy Horse Irish Pub
    I was way cooler in high school. The city of Palm Beach newspaper, Palm Beach Post decided to publish an article about me, and do a little get to know you section. I then ranted about my favorite pub for most of the interview. This newspaper has a readership of 88,000. But obviously it didn't work because R.I.P Gypsy Horse Irish Pub.
  5. Any Boy I've Crushed On
    Congrats homies, I'm making you sound like a real winner in the eyes of basically anyone who comes in contact with me. Yes even you soccer boy, our meaningful exchange of "hi" was enough for me to see your true character.