5 HORRIBLE THINGS I REALIZE AT 5 AM

Why is waking up at 5am even legal?
  1. In order to pee, which I have to do badly, I have to get out of bed... And move my body... And walk...
  2. I can barely hear the roar of my hungry stomach over the 27 alarms I have to set to wake up
  3. There's just no chance for a bath this early because I'll fall asleep FOR SURE... so that's another 10 minutes I have to stand up at this ridiculous hour
  4. Once I've showered, crawling back in bed isn't an option because, once again, I will fall asleep for sure
  5. Thank God I'm not the one waking up at 5 am. This is a story about someone else waking up at 5 am that accidentally woke me up at 5 am doing the things he does at 5 am. Going back to sleep. SUCKS TO SUCK