THINGS I DON'T CARE ABOUT BUT PRETEND I DO TO GET PEOPLE OFF MY BACK
Disclaimer: If we're good friends, I will enjoy talking about any of these with you.
- •Professional basketball. I like every other sport, but I cannot get into basketball. Maybe they score too much, or I don't fully understand the rules. Either way I pretend to agree with what coworkers are saying about Lebron James while reading Buzzfeed on my phone.
- •Other people's children. There are exceptions to this, presented without comment: Prince George, Princess Charlotte, Blue Ivy Carter, Riley Curry, North West, and the children of my siblings and close friends.
- •The opinions of people who differ from me on the political spectrum. Look, I am happy to read a trenchant article in Time magazine or a discussion on NPR, but I don't want to hear what my conservative neighbor thinks. I will never want to defund Planned Parenthood, women should get equal pay, black lives matter, and there are too many fucking guns.
- •The plot of shows I don't watch. Recapping what happened on "The Walking Dead" last night is not going to get me to watch it. But I will pretend to be intrigued by it to save us all some time.
- •Health trends. I am happy to support people's quest for better health, but no I don't want to hear why Crossfit is better than running, or why paleo is better than what I am doing. You just ate a bunless burger in the name of health because that's what a caveman would do? *cue eyeroll*
- •Conspiracy Theories. No, I don't think Beyoncé's music videos are filled with Illuminati symbolism or that 9/11 was planned. The moment I think you're serious, I completely stop paying attention and let you prattle on.
- •Car stuff. I literally know nothing about cars, engines, flux capacitors, etc. so telling me your truck has a hemi is not going to get us anywhere. But I'll look at the engine block with you for fun.
- •Outdoor Stuff. I go on the occasional hike, but camping, hunting, fishing, etc sounds like the worst way to spend a weekend. You know what's great? Looking at nature and then taking a shower. But I live in an outdoorsy state, so I pretend not to be horrified that you bagged a deer.
- •When people don't like things I love. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but I don't want to hear you monologue for ten minutes about why you hate Supernatural, Disney, or Doctor Who. It's like listening to someone list all the reasons the shirt you're wearing is ugly. You don't have to like it, but read the room dude.
- •The Bachelor.