Relationship Milestones for the Commitment Phobic

  1. Actually putting their first and last name in your phone
  2. Holding hands in public where people you know might see you
  3. Admitting that you're dating and not just hanging out
  4. Sleeping over
  5. Going to any kind of group activity, dinner, or party as a couple
  6. Peeing while the other person uses the sink or shower
  7. Holding the other person's genitals while you sleep
  8. Doing coke for the first time together
  9. Killing a person together so you'll have a shared secret
  10. Make up sex after having a fight spurred by the paranoia that you're each going to rat the other person out for murdering a stranger
  11. Double suicide