LIKES ON LIKES ON LIKES

  1. In today's therapy session, one of the topics that came up was the idea of loyalty in friendships, and how everyone has their own individual way of processing and perceiving and displaying loyalty.
  2. It was related to a conflict I had, but also inspired by a few recent conversations with various friends about social media and online friendships. And since today's List update seemed to F with peoples' likes temporarily, it seemed a fitting time to ask this question I've pondered recently:
  3. ‪When it comes to liking your friends' posts on social media, what comes first: Your taste/style/views/interests or your affection for/loyalty to a person?‬
  4. ‪Meaning, are there certain people you like and enjoy so much that you'll basically tap like on *anything* they share, even if you're not really into it?‬
  5. ‪I just think it's fascinating to think about. We make a big deal about our individual taste, but I feel like we so often overlook that and like things indiscriminately‬ because we just really like or want to support a particular person. And it opens up questions like, "Can you trust likes on your posts as genuine, honest feedback?"
  6. In this conflict I mentioned, I asked someone a question about another person and they responded by portraying their online interactions with this other person as being very casual and insignificant - just another person in a sea of people they follow.
  7. But I was being a nosy creep, and I'd noticed that they had a tendency to like everything - I mean EVERYTHING - that the person shared online, especially on Instagram.
  8. And having, I guess, the particular values and philosophy of social media interaction that I have, I apparently perceive constant liking to = strong affection for a person.
  9. I felt I knew this person I was talking to well enough to have a sense of their visual taste, & I said this kind of catty thing: "I mean, I know your aesthetics & your visual taste pretty well, & there's just NO way you think all of (person's) photos are quality photos. There's just no way. I think you just have a STRONG affection for this person."
  10. Now, there's my own creepy snooping tendencies and occasional trouble with boundaries at play here, so I don't want to give you the impression that I'm trying to pass off what I said as normal and super healthy (hence why it was explored in therapy). It's just a good concrete personal example of this whole idea at work.
  11. So let me ask the question here and see what you guys think, I'm very curious:
  12. When you like someone's posts on social media, what is the ultimate guiding principle: Your taste, views, and interests, or your affection for/loyalty to the person in question? Are there people for whom you'll tap like on pretty much anything, no matter what it is? Or no?
  13. Oh I'm 100% liking everything I see from people that I really like. But if I like them, I usually like who they are and what they say and I might not care for a particular style or music but I might REALLY like that THEY love it.
    Suggested by   @jennifergster
  14. On Instagram, I like everything that my close friends post unless it's something that upsets me. Twitter is all about taste, but I've been told I like a lot of things. The exception to this is with certain celebrities on twitter, but I wouldn't like something I didn't agree with. List is the same as twitter.
    Suggested by   @audreypalumbo
  15. I'm stingy with my likes. I only like it if I really like it, you know what I mean? I'm much more liberal with my comments, which are more important anyway.
    Suggested by   @MatthewAlmont
  16. I totally like everything for people I like. Because even if it's not my aesthetic or whatever, I know it's the aesthetic of the person I like, and I want them to know I appreciate that they have their own particular aesthetic. Make sense?
    Suggested by   @hillary79
  17. I think it's different on different platforms. Lists is usually loyalty over content because so much of what is on here is personal and I "like" people sharing who they are and what they like.
    Instagram I'm a little more content focused. There are some things I just won't like (mediocre memes, people posting things for attention). Twitter is definitely all about content for those I don't personally know. I will say that if I really like you (and you can tell because I basically like everything) and haven't liked something you posted it is usually because I missed it in these dang curated feeds.
    Suggested by   @theshome
  18. Definitely loyalty and affection of a person comes first, but I also feel like a huge creep if I like everything they do, so sometimes I'll very occasionally intentionally miss something that is not as aesthetically pleasing to me. Or sometimes I won't.
    And sometimes I'll accidentally miss something because I see it two seconds after they post it and don't want to be... a creep. Then I forget to go back and like it.
    Suggested by   @celestestelle
  19. I tend to like people's posts just because I like that person* also because when you really think about it for a while, you realize how silly social media is as a whole. We're all just trying to share parts of our lives/make jokes/share thoughts,ya know? Liking a post isn't gonna hurt anybody! And it'll probably make someone's day a little better.
    *Twitter does seem to be more of a "i enjoyed this tweet" like for me. BUT I do believe that you can like someone as a person in real life, but dislike their social media presence. I have friends I enjoy in *real* life, but tend to have fake social media presences, and for those people, I just don't follow them. To me that's more helpful for our friendship than me seeing their posts and liking them just cause while silently getting annoyed that they're being fake. Hope that all made sense...
    Suggested by   @sarahmccoy
  20. Hmm, haven't really thought about this before. I would say, I tend to 'like' things that make me smile on Instagram. I'm probably more likely to smile for people I care about more, so they probably get more likes vs other people, who have to post something I genuinely like/agree with/enjoy seeing/etc.
    My Twitter is more political these days, and I mostly like things I agree with and wish I could retweet (I'm trying to restrain myself a little so as to not overwhelm my less-political followers with constant posts). Or if something is really funny. Where I really struggle is 'liking' something that is sad, even though I know it just is a way of showing support. But for logical me, it's just hard to say I like something bad/sad, though I do it more often here on li.st than I do anywhere else.
    Suggested by   @MissJess
  21. Always have been very curious about the actions of social media as a phenomena, have discussed it at length w/multiple people. The discussion was mostly about FB but it applies here as well. When I noticed a close friend rarely liked anything I posted-a check-in, a project or a trip. She said she liked few of ANYONE's posts. And I saw why-
    She mainly responded to her own post's responses! I once saw she had 50+ notifications & never read them. So there's that type of person. For me-On Instagram, I pretty much like everyone's everything because it's generally funny, pretty or benign. I seldom go on Twitter & like sporadically. All Facebook notifications are off so I'm there in name only. Li.st is my anomaly. Some get ❤️ on everything they post, others only what I like. Good part? There's very little I don't like here-it's great 💞
    Suggested by   @angela3950
  22. I'd say it's very variable. I don't like 100% of what people I love post, even my mom. It has to interest me. But I have to say that sometimes on li.st I like lists of people I like without reading them entirely or without really liking it. it's usually a personal list and I want the person to feel heard, supported.
    Otherwise I make a point to not like everything because 1) I don't want to be a creep , 2) most other people don't like everything I post and I don't want to feel less loved, even if I still do sometimes.
    Suggested by   @solena
  23. On list, if I read it, I will like it. Unless I really disagree with what the person has written, I will like it.
    Suggested by   @alanarogerrrrs
  24. I have to like the content. My likes are not based on loyalty, affection or any other personal basis. There are listers who meet content criteria more often than not, thus, many likes from me, but my likes are genuine and honest, not indiscriminate.
    Suggested by   @MMeanswell
  25. Totally platform oriented. I don't generally follow celebrities, or am unaware that they are. On Twitter, I use "like" to mean "I've seen it." If I really like it, I'll RT. On FB, it is mixed. But I generally stay off FB anyway. On Instagram I like 100% of what my kid's post, lol. And Other than that just what appeals to me, but I hate how artsy it
    Can be & like more candid stuff anyway. YouTube, I like only if I actually like. Here at list, I like a lot of lists, but I will always read them too(altho not always all the comments.) But I will also hit like in the Twitter "I've seen it & read the whole thing." So I do a lot of liking & a lot of reading,if that makes sense, & when I really like something I'll comment. Which is actually really hard for me as I overthink most everything. On Reddit, however, I'm extremely stingy with my likes.
    Suggested by   @kaelliope
  26. I am mostly on Facebook, Instagram and li.st. On Facebook I recently de cluttered my friends and feed and Like anything my friends post- mostly because I like them and have similar interests or share in their joy. I will rarely share. I hate those share if...or put this as your status... on Instagram I will like anything my friends post.
    I only like original things though- their pics of their own words. Re-posting memes is not my thing. On Instagram I also follow a few 'celebrity' accounts and only like when I REALLY agree- I figure they don't need the validation like my IRL friends do/nor do they check. I feel good when people like my things and so I return the favour. On li.st I often like but only comment when I truly agree/feel like it merits a comment or appreciate their time/li.st etc...
    Suggested by   @jennifer1482
  27. i am SO precious with my likes & it's a running joke amongst my friends...! it's very platform-oriented for me too: on facebook i like most liberally, in acknowledgement or agreement with the content. twitter: i'm sparing, mostly liking again in agreement/acknowledgement OR liking things i want to come back to at a later time...
    (this is certainly the case for news articles or essay links etc etc). here's the big one- instagram: i don't hit the like unless i REALLY REALLY like it, even if it's a post by my very very friends. i feel no obligation whatsoever, sorry! i get mad when people post bad photos (i'm a photo nerd & like sharing GOOD STUFF). my friends joke that getting an IG like from me is an honour, so i'm cultivating this widely, haha. i'm an very regular insta commenter so that's where my engagement is.
    Suggested by   @aprylhm
  28. There are probably three people whose posts I will like no matter what. More often, I may see something that does fit my tastes, but I don't like it because I dislike the person.
    Suggested by   @ladygoggog
  29. Hmmm...likes (for me) can be for content I appreciate as well as showing support for the user...but "support" doesn't mean a blanket ❤ on every single post
    I operate the same across all social platforms. If it's a pic/list/thought that made me smile or that made me think or provided useful info, I'll ❤. If it's someone who's posting about going through a hard time, I'll usually ❤ & comment. If you're just complaining or posting the same thing you always post, I usually scroll on by. I think it's a dangerous trap to fall into likes as personal validation. Part of why I HATE that likes are ❤ instead of ⭐️ - social media approval is not love!
    Suggested by   @dreadpiratemama
  30. This is super interesting! I think it depends. For instagram, if I know the person, I pretty much like everything. For Facebook, if it's a picture of their kid or pet, it's an automatic like; everything else is based upon taste.
    For li.st, I'd say it's a mixture. It's mostly about taste, but I think when I first connect with people, I tend to like almost automatically, maybe as a way of cementing the connection, especially to make new people feel welcome. But I like 95% of what I read here, it's just a matter of how far I get into the list before I double tap :). I usually only avoid liking if I'm too deep in a person's profile and it's going to look stalkerish 👀
    Suggested by   @jenniferm
  31. I only ever think about Instagram when I think about this subject because that's where I follow the most people I know IRL. My best friend joked about how I like pretty much everything but that's how I've always been. After I made my Instagram, I just decided I was going to like everything, unless I really truly didn't agree with it.
    I figure that I follow the people I follow for a reason. I either like them or like what they post. I find no reason to be stingy with my likes in that case. (I'm stingy with my likes on Facebook. My likes on Twitter have nothing to do worth loyalty, just liking a tweet. On list, I try to like most of the lists I read, I just don't always have a ton of time to read lists and I miss some of them when I'm just scrolling through real quick)
    Suggested by   @chloeabzzz
  32. If I don't like what you (someone) posts, I don't follow. If I don't "like" the post, I probably missed it. I'm usually a easy ❤giver since like I said, if I follow, I dig it or them, or whatever makes them happy. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
    Suggested by   @marginally_amazing
  33. I've thought about this, and for me I think it differs depending on the outlet.
    On List I'm most generous, and throw ❤️ at anything that gets my attention. On Instagram, I like what I truly like. On twitter I like what I LOVE. On fb, I like everything that my dad or Bernie Sanders posts.
    Suggested by   @randi
  34. It depends on the person: a lot of people I follow, I follow for aesthetic reasons, whether it be their lifestyle or superficial things, like colors of their subject or their handwriting/art, and how they perceive the world around them - I appreciate people who see it the way I do. Most of these people I don't know IRL. Others, I usually like for
    the social content they post, humane/social activism, animal rights, etc. The people I know personally and follow, it's just me being a friend and knowing them personally and appreciating them as is. I usually don't like anything my IRL friends post aesthetically, but it always means something personally, whether for them or me.
    Suggested by   @rachhello
  35. Constant liking is reserved for my bestie, my sis, my parents (lol yes they are online) and that's about it. Otherwise, outer IRL friends are mostly liked unless I think what they posted is annoying. Strictly online friends tends to be an aesthetic choice though it isn't always! Sometimes I'm just scrolling thru insta and double tap something
    Stupid. My bf calls me out on that but fuck it, who cares? It's just a like, ya know?
    Suggested by   @aliciamcelhaney