REASONS WHY I JUST CAN'T GET OUT OF BED TODAY

  1. Because we couldn't even witness figurative justice in a football game.
  2. Because look at this Cabinet.
  3. Because it's raining in LA again.
  4. Because people are looking at their watches with me.
  5. Because in a few weeks I'll have to say goodbye to the chickens.
  6. Because we keep telling ourselves that taking away relist killed this app but we all know it was really the gang up on Chris K that killed it.
  7. Because I can't forgive people or look at them the same now when I know they leaned into that a little too much, or even so much as liked a single list on the predator account.
  8. Because anytime I look at someone I know voted Trump, I can't think anything except, "you don't think sexual assault is a big deal."
  9. Because I know people who have been abused whose own parents voted for Trump. Their OWN PARENTS.
  10. Because classic rock songs have such problematic lyrics and I can't ignore them when I listen now.
  11. Because now that we've all gotten a taste of what it feels like to call someone out, we're addicted to it.
  12. Because it's been a year since we got together.
  13. Because my favorite Christmas cookies - Archway frosted fingers - were discontinued years ago and we always cancel the best things. Freaks & Geeks.
  14. Because even the HQ guys followed and cheered on a parody account that mocked people leaving this app, and are friends with some of the group chat bullies, so tell me again how this place is safe and welcoming?
  15. Because even though some people from the gamma list clique still claim me publicly as their friend, all I spend my time thinking about are the ones who are hesitant to do so now or flat out won't.
  16. Because we always waste our time chasing people that don't care and swatting away the ones that do.
  17. Because how am I supposed to get over what happened to me when people have actually said these words to me: "If what happened to you happened to me, I would 100% be suicidal." (I'm not, I'm just quoting others)
  18. Because why did I ever think an app made by the guy who played Ryan would be my kind of hang? I should've held out for the Pam Beesly app.
  19. Because so many of my friends are terrified.
  20. Because we progressives won't stop playing the woker than thou game with each other.
  21. Because I wasn't patient enough with my dog when he was sick.
  22. Because I'm listening to too much late night jazz.
  23. Because I'll tell a few close friends the exact names of the group chat folks and most of them are like, "Right, I figured, not cool with them anyway" but a few of them still follow and interact with those folks and like their stuff and I don't want it to bother me, but it does. I don't want to stand in the way of friendships, but I do.
  24. Cuz I'm a creep.
  25. Because I haven't played a full live show in almost three years and that doesn't bother me much.
  26. Because everywhere I go, people are always using buzz saws early in the morning.
  27. Because the only thing we all agree on is that Fifty Shades Of Grey is bad for us.
  28. Because I ate two apple fritters yesterday.
  29. Because yet another person in a serious relationship is trying to make me her "guy I can flirt with when I'm feeling bored and in need of an adventure."
  30. Because the money is running out.
  31. Because I don't know how to help more.
  32. Because the clock is always ticking.
  33. Because DeVos by one vote, probably.
  34. Because these wisdom teeth are gonna have to come out at some point.
  35. Because I don't even want to date you again, all I wanted was to just be your friend. And your refusal to budge there is what really made me finally get angry about what happened to me after just cowering about it for months. And I hate that I have so little respect for myself that it took me that long to get angry.
  36. Because I know it's not up to me and I have to respect that but can't.
  37. Because why do I even want you to be my friend??
  38. Because I have the best friends, and the luckiest life, but can't get out of this fucking bed.
  39. Also, I had a lot of caffeine last night.