FAVORITE TWEETS FROM MY TEEN SISTER
For years I've been struggling to determine whether or not my sister's social media presence is one-dimensional, simple-minded, and truly abhorrent, OR one of the most reflexive commentaries/parody accounts about coming of age in the new millennium OF. ALL. TIME.
- •"You see, I would wish you the best but.....you already had me. #sorrynotsorry #chokeonthat"Here, my sister displays a preternatural understanding of what most millennials refer to as "subtweeting".
- •"I want cheesy crust pizza....jk I need cheesy crust pizza...UGH! #hungry #wantpizza #now"World hunger? No issue is too large to tackle for the self-aware teen.
- •"Honestly I'm so happy my boyfriend sucks at social media. Yeah I don't get #wcws but I also don't worry about him getting dms #takethegood."Meanwhile, in Syria....
- •"HA! I don't give a single fuck about your opinion! At least I don't make someone change who they are. #byefuckboi"A veritable master of her craft, here we see the culmination of my sister's subtweet efforts in the derisive yet dismissive use of the hashtag "fuckboi".
- •"Just a little #transformationtuesday from 2012 to 2013 to now. I'm pretty happy with my progress."Because in 2015, progress means removing your belly button piercing.
- •"Had the worst day, running on 6 hours of sleep and dealing with the dumbest fucking people on earth all day #stopaskingquestions"A mere 6 hours.
- •"Nails on fleek with bae in the background #mazdagirl #mazda6"If possible, I'd like to draw attention away from the chiseled weaponry my sister refers to as nails here to discuss the month long period where my sister did not have a boyfriend to tweet about incessantly, so instead, she would refer to her car as "Bae" and hashtag solely about Mazdas. It is also worth noting that she totaled her Mazda recently and, after creating a GoFundMe to raise money for a new car that no one contributed to, she now has a Mini Cooper that she named Finley
- •"friendships. #RIP"Personal favorite because relationships in today's society are hard AF.
- •" Lunch date with @rick_schmelsey" *photo of herself*And in conclusion we have one of my favorite tweets my sister has ever constructed. In my mind, it seems logical that I would be included in this photo, considering the content of the tweet and my physical proximity to my sister prior to us leaving the house to embark on a whirling dervish of a journey to Applebees for a bargain lunch of 2 for $12 entrees, but alas, I am not pictured. To me, this is the true embodiment of Selfie Nation, and I am happy to act as the unseen martyr for the cause.