THE FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF WHEN YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH GETS A NEW GIRLFRIEND

This one's for you, Chris Evans and Jenny Slate
  1. Denial
    Maybe they're just friends! Maybe it's just promotion for the new movie they're doing! Us Weekly isn't a reliable news source, right? Right?!
  2. Anger
    Doesn't he know that if we ever met we would be PERFECT TOGETHER? I'm never watching Obvious Child again! How could this not have been in that Rolling Stone profile last week? Couldn't this news have broke before the movie came out?
  3. Complaining
    How many followers will I lose tweeting about this? I DON'T CARE. If you can't accept me at my "Chris Evans is dating Jenny Slate," than you don't deserve me at my best.
  4. Depression
    No one will ever love me the way I imagined Chris Evans would love me.
  5. Acceptance
    Well, at least they're not married?