Why Tequila and I Aren't Friends Anymore
as inspired by @cvlop61
- •it was 2009 & I had *finally* received confirmation that I'd passed nursing boards.backstory...
- •I had taken boards one month prior...it was horrible. when I got into my car, I stared at the stick shift like WTF is that, what is it for?! 75 question in 50 minutes was all it took to render me useless.
- •I obsessively checked the board of registered nursing (BRN) for my name.I saw all my classmates post... why hadn't I?!? I would have a mild anxiety attack right before checking the site after the 2am update. no name, no license, no sanity.
- •after weeks of making myself sick, I started calling the BRN.I mean, there was no way possible I didn't pass the test. me. unless... I didn't pass the test? somebody please help me understand what is happening 😖
- •two weeks later -1 month after board exam from hell- I find out the BRN doesn't have my DOJ clearance. so they can't release my score.umm, WHAT? fingerprints got lost, blah blah... they will look into it.
- •at this point, I don't even care about being a nurse anymore.at all. however, a few days later, my name & license no. were online. so anticlimactic. no joy.
- •although I was MEH about things, my best nursey friend decided we should celebrate & invited our group over for drinks.-yes, the point.... was getting there, I swear!
- •I threw on some clothes and made the drive.this was waiting for me in the kitchen. I have such great friends!
- •did I mention that I forgot to eat? slightly buzzy, I remembered I had a bucket of these in my trunk, picked at my grandparents the night before.and I ate them with reckless abandon. like I do. every single time.
- •high on cherries, I agreed to more shots. I mean, who's counting?famous last words.
- •A few minutes later, the gravity of my bad decisions set in.you know where I'm going, folks. except maybe you don't.
- •I stumble to the farthest corner of Sarah's yard & decide to lay down in what remained of her dead garden.like a animal, I wandered off to die alone.
- •I won't elaborate on the cherries & tequila v. fence situation, but... I did manage to take a nice nap in the dirt.😴💤🌌
- •when I woke up, I had this awful stinging in my lower back. I reached around to feel my skin & the back of my shirt was rolled up a bit.the Sacramento mosquitos had a full blown feast on my exposed skin. jerks.
- •ever gotten wasted & woken up with a lower back mosquito bite tattoo?!it was as awesome as it sounds. super heavenly when the monster welt -the size of my hand- started to itch. only me.
- •I had to call my little brother to come get me. he was more than happy to oblige... the man loves him some foul mouthed nurses!also, I have yet to live this down.
- •I ended up sleeping on the couch with one foot on the floor & one hand on the wall.I thought it would help with the spins. but mostly because I'm classy like that. the headache I woke up with is still my worst to date.
- •tequila. never again.the devil's nectar is not my friend.