Why Tequila and I Aren't Friends Anymore

as inspired by @cvlop61
  1. it was 2009 & I had *finally* received confirmation that I'd passed nursing boards.
    backstory...
  2. I had taken boards one month prior...
    it was horrible. when I got into my car, I stared at the stick shift like WTF is that, what is it for?! 75 question in 50 minutes was all it took to render me useless.
  3. I obsessively checked the board of registered nursing (BRN) for my name.
    I saw all my classmates post... why hadn't I?!? I would have a mild anxiety attack right before checking the site after the 2am update. no name, no license, no sanity.
  4. after weeks of making myself sick, I started calling the BRN.
    I mean, there was no way possible I didn't pass the test. me. unless... I didn't pass the test? somebody please help me understand what is happening 😖
  5. two weeks later -1 month after board exam from hell- I find out the BRN doesn't have my DOJ clearance. so they can't release my score.
    umm, WHAT? fingerprints got lost, blah blah... they will look into it.
  6. at this point, I don't even care about being a nurse anymore.
    at all. however, a few days later, my name & license no. were online. so anticlimactic. no joy.
  7. although I was MEH about things, my best nursey friend decided we should celebrate & invited our group over for drinks.
    -yes, the point.... was getting there, I swear!
  8. I threw on some clothes and made the drive.
    this was waiting for me in the kitchen. I have such great friends!
  9. did I mention that I forgot to eat? slightly buzzy, I remembered I had a bucket of these in my trunk, picked at my grandparents the night before.
    and I ate them with reckless abandon. like I do. every single time.
  10. high on cherries, I agreed to more shots. I mean, who's counting?
    famous last words.
  11. A few minutes later, the gravity of my bad decisions set in.
    you know where I'm going, folks. except maybe you don't.
  12. I stumble to the farthest corner of Sarah's yard & decide to lay down in what remained of her dead garden.
    like a animal, I wandered off to die alone.
  13. I won't elaborate on the cherries & tequila v. fence situation, but... I did manage to take a nice nap in the dirt.
    😴💤🌌
  14. when I woke up, I had this awful stinging in my lower back. I reached around to feel my skin & the back of my shirt was rolled up a bit.
    the Sacramento mosquitos had a full blown feast on my exposed skin. jerks.
  15. ever gotten wasted & woken up with a lower back mosquito bite tattoo?!
    it was as awesome as it sounds. super heavenly when the monster welt -the size of my hand- started to itch. only me.
  16. I had to call my little brother to come get me. he was more than happy to oblige... the man loves him some foul mouthed nurses!
    also, I have yet to live this down.
  17. I ended up sleeping on the couch with one foot on the floor & one hand on the wall.
    I thought it would help with the spins. but mostly because I'm classy like that. the headache I woke up with is still my worst to date.
  18. tequila. never again.
    the devil's nectar is not my friend.