A Eulogy for Turtletaub

  1. I found Turtletaub on the street this summer.
    He was in a little cage next to a ziplock bag of pellets. The sign on the cage read "Feed me one pellet twice a day."
  2. He was a red eared glider, and within two weeks, I was taking him to Baltimore to visit the set of House of Cards.
    He really liked my rings and floating in sinks and bathtubs.
  3. He also met Tig Notaro.
  4. I named him after the Bojack Horseman character played by JK Simmons because just like that Turtletaub mine was only pretending to be Jewish.
  5. I read that red eared gliders can live a really long time...like 40-50 years. I don't think I ever would have gotten bored hanging out with him.
  6. We did not get that long though.
  7. My favorite parts of him were his belly shell, which were full of beautiful, swirly circles...
  8. ....and his curiosity.
    You would think turtles just sit there, but Turtletaub was always doing something. When I'd take him out, he'd explore every nook and cranny. He moved so fast; more like a mouse than a turtle.
  9. He had gotten bigger, but I hadn't taken any recent pictures of him.
  10. Yesterday I left the house with him in the cage and the sun lamp on. Usually when I get home, the water is a perfectly warm temperature but not too hot. I'd find him basking on his rock, or scrambling up the side to meet me for dinner.
  11. Last night when I got home, he was lying belly-up in very hot water. I thought I could save him; I thought I could feel him move and blink when I ran him under cold water.
  12. I did that for an hour, and kept getting angry that Ari was trying to separate us. He just wasn't paying attention!!! The turtle was definitely alive, and if he wasn't, I would know, okay???
  13. Turtletaub died sometime yesterday. He was alone and I wasn't there. I hope he wasn't scared. I hope it was quick, just like him.
  14. I'll miss you, Turtletaub. I'm sorry I couldn't take care of you. You took care of me during a really rough summer.
  15. You were a good pet.
  16. Goodbye