Airbnb Reviews I'd Give My Mom's House

  1. Centrally located in the heart of Delaware.
    Where the action is?
  2. Food not as good as advertised.
  3. Lady of the house DOES NOT SLEEP. Expect to be woken up at 2 am, with many clattering dishes, cabinets banging and wailing. It's not the house ghost, I PROMISE. (That one usually starts in around 3:15.)
  4. Vaguely disconcerting properties.
  5. Running the disposal causes the toilets to overflow. Think a couple of bucks should have been knocked off price.
  6. There is enough booze to start running a bar out of the kitchen but only mixers to make Cosmos. Hope you like Cosmos!
  7. Ambien and large dogs not allowed.
  8. If you come home to find out your shit has been rifled through, don't suspect it's the owner, looking for edibles. It's probably the 3:15 ghost.
  9. Local ghosts have been known to eat all your weed.
  10. Parking is difficult because someone will be constantly screaming from doorframe "DON'T HIT THE POLE!"
  11. Pole invisible in photos; naked eye.
  12. Claustrophobic to the point of lunacy, but what, you've got somewhere else you can go?
  13. Mention that you've been talking to @averymonsen and "he seems good" for one free pass at the Sedar conversation.
    This only works if the Solans come over for all holidays. Which THEY DO.
  14. Please note: all payments will come directly out of your psyche.
  15. Finally! Enough material to impress your therapist!
    She will literally gasp "Holy shit," at your description of this place, which makes you feel so much better and 💯 worth it.
  16. Photos come out all wonky.