Disturbing Dreams About BJ That Only Occur During International Travel

  1. Jamaica, spring 2012: after a panel with the latter, I dream @bjnovak and Eli Roth are keeping me in an attic somewhere in Europe to protect me from the Nazis. After a decade spent pacing the same small enclosure, I remember World War II ended 40 years before my birth. I am super mad.
  2. Rome, summer 2014: On the first day of my honeymoon, I take a fever dream nap: @bjnovak* is a crow or a black magpie. He steals shiny objects from curio shops belonging to Dwight. He is eventually caught and put in a cage by Jim and Pam.
    *Not Ryan, BJ.
  3. Lisbon, summer, 2015: after a night tossing and turning from a migraine, I have a nightmare in which @bjnovak has somehow replaced me at work in my absence. "Sorry," my boss shrugs, before relocating me to the (non-existent) secretarial pool. BJ hugs me, taking the opportunity to whisper in my ear, "I know what you did."