How You Know I'm About to Die in the Horror Movie That Is My Life

  1. Can't ever find my keys fast enough; often drop them while trying to fit in lock.🔑
  2. "What are you barking at, boy? There's nothing out there!" -Something I said for real, out loud last night to @liana's Bigfoot.🐕
  3. Occult dilettante.🔮👻💀👺👹👼🏻
  4. Only glances at headline while talking on phone and drinking coffee because I'm late for work.📰
  5. Walks around naked after shower while singing made-up lullabies.🚿🎤
  6. Always muting the TV, cocking my head to listen....oh well, it must have been nothing. *Presses play*📺🔕💭💬💭💬😕🔊
  7. Repeat that step like twenty times.⬆️⬆️
  8. Past second act, there's no need for a character whose only function is aggregating and explaining Rules.
  9. Even I have a hard time being emotionally invested in myself. And I live in here!🌀⚠️🌀⚠️
  10. Is visiting from out of town, which is great for creating scenarios, less so at establishing character.
  11. Unable to get out of this fucking temporal loop that always leads back to a dead end. 😲🔚 But the kind of dead end where the headlights can't illuminate more than the twisted metal sand lot in front of the woods.
  12. Decides this is the place to get high.
  13. Have always felt like maybe my life's purpose is to serve as a warning to others, IDK.