1. Low SoHo: well you are in Manhattan so no one you know showed up but plus side you can brag about doing your McNally's reading on Facebook. You'll only get 5 likes but they are the ones that matter, you know?
  2. Dumbo: "Hey maybe I should move closer to PowerHouse and take the ferry into work!" you think, far too optimistically for someone standing in front of colosseum seating.
  3. High SoHo: Start at Housing Works for a blogger read from personally traumatizing Gawker commenters. Drink at Puck Faire or Botanica. Realize you are now considered one of the more established writers by like 5 years. experience that orb in Nick Denton's living room...wtf is that?
  4. Carroll Gardens: every one at Court Street is probably Thomas Pynchon, except that one dude in the hat who looks like Van Gogh. That's just Ames.
  5. Above Central Park: congratulations on getting published by Rizzoli or being "presented" to society by Tina Brown. Your editor is going to laugh VERY HARD at a passing Gone Girl reference and it is startling.
  6. Flatiron: where the real action is at. Your agent is buying this round of tapas and you are literally the most interesting person in this conversation as long as everyone puts away their phones.
  7. Bell House or Union Hall: you are a comedian testing out your material for a bunch of judgmental Internet meme-types. But there is bocce in at least one of those locations. Good luck remembering which.
  8. Astoria: where all the editors live, weirdly. When did that happen? Was it like a group decision? Has the Times done a trend piece? Can YOU do a trend piece?? FOR the Times???
  9. Wall Street: Conde nast moved and it's still the 2nd worst place in the city. Infested with rats.
  10. Times Square: where you work, despite all your literary friends having some vague perception you are writing a novel at Apostrophe. Infested with Elmos.
  11. Williamsburg: So the app seems like it's going well. Really paid off ha ha. Any plans to go back into writing? I mean it's not Candy Crush money but I feel like personally it's just more honest to tell my truth.
  12. Bushwick: hmmm think Emily Gould lives here.
  13. Bay Ridge: Spiers lives here and no one else.
  14. Astor Place: you are at that strangely comforting Barnes and Nobles that has 0 books. I'm there in the cafe, in a sincere conversation with an obese homeless man about Bolthouse chai tea. Analyst and drug dealer a block away in opposite directions. You are safe and as happy as you'll get until May.