Notable Ways I've Been Dumped
Hmmm thought this list would be longer.
- •Getting "promoted" from girlfriend status to "Ken Griffy Spider-Man!"Think my ex got that name from old UCB sketch. At the time= SO SAD. A decade later = SUPER FUNNY. Today I hung out with him and said I wanted a car, and he responded "Spider-Man doesn't get a vehicle." Aw! I'm still promoted!
- •After asking my first college boyfriend what he was thinking about.That is why you never ask, guys and gals!
- •Changing Facebook status to single.James and I were pretty toxic together, but this remains the biggest bitch move ever.
- •After I moved out of our apartment together, J. came into the bar I worked and casually informed me he knew I had been cheating on him.Yeah...I really was a shithead back then.
- •Grabbing me really hard by the arms and shaking me while screaming "You filthy whore!"Ben (freshman to sophomore year) had a temper and it was over between us anyhow. But he freaked my roommate out. He later defended this move by quoting Chris Rock. v cool.
- •"If you would like to discuss any part of this email, please call me and I can explain over coffee."Such a gamble to do email breakups, but they always worked on me because no way in hell I was ever going to call for clarification. Who CALLS?
- •He doesn't respond to texts for a month; I finally get the picture.