Unpopular (but Legit) Breakup Cures
Inspired by @stamos and everyone
- •Recognize that you won't be able to forget them.And it will always hurt. My dad told me once, while I was going through the worst breakup of my life, that he has never stopped thinking about the one girl who dumped him who he was just head over heels for. (He missed Woodstock for her.) I was like "WTF kind of advice is that, Dad?" But his point is that there be new hurts and loves and breakups, and that one day it will just be this small little ache that you can barely even recall. It will always exist, but not with the same intensity.
- •That being said, remember that you don't know how the world works and this person could be your future best friend.I had a list about the two exes from college who I'm still super-tight with. Granted, we all had a lot in common to begin with and they were both so much fun when we'd bro down, so it's def a *certain* kind of relationship that ages into good BFFs. Downside is you have to wait a couple years for everyone to get over their respective drama. BUT: It's totally worth it when you wish you could take back all the agony, since you thought you were losing something when you weren't. Not a goddamn thing.
- •But you are going to have to give it awhile, so yeah....block that number and delete the contactBLOCK THEIR PHONE NUMBER and (just as important!) DELETE THEIR CONTACT. See if you block someone they still can receive texts from you, and even think they are responding, since all a blocked number does is make sure you don't receive anything FROM THEM. So you gotta lose the number in order to not start a weird text chain with two people who are under the belief they are communicating. (Sounds like the relationship!)
- •Unfriend/unfollow/etcYou will internet stalk because it's natural. But eventually that will be more bother than its worth and you'll slooooooowly stop doing that as well.
- •Consider the lobsterThat lobster scene(s) in Annie Hall gets a lot of credit for showing how you can never share the same experience with a new person, but I think that's bullshit. Replace old memories with new ones. Maybe learn that it was the activity, not the person, you found so charming. It will never be the same, but new people bring their own quirks and charms and in-jokes to an experience.
- •Shut up about them around mutual friendsOh god. This should be #1. It will never go well. Not even to say something nice. If asked a direct question about them, respond with a vague "yeah, it didn't work out," or "we're not in touch." Then shrug and move on to the next topic. People will take their cue from you.
- •But yes to the therapist@stamos says twice a week if you need it but I see my analyst four times a week and I haven't broken up or gotten dumped by anyone in like....6-ish years? I'm just very pro-analysis because it gives you a place to be totally navel-gazing and inward focused and you get to therapeutically just let out all your ugly feelings until you don't feel them anymore.
- •Take on a big work or creative project you've always been too scared to do before.You might be in an unsteady place, emotionally, but a) breakups are great to mine for creative inspiration and b) focusing on something major with deadlines, forced collaborations, and late-night frantic emails about coordinating schedules will be like replacing the sense memory of the breakup with something more productive.
- •Start writing love letters...to your best friends. (Not in a way that will make them confused though.)It's a good way to remember that not all your joy came from your relationship. Plus, your friends are probably maxed out on hearing about your ex, so this is a great way to show you appreciate them.
- •Never EVER *EVER* write them anything. Not even stuff you aren't planning to send.You think this will be a safe, appropriate way to express your feelings but best case it's just dwelling on drama. Or someone (like a new SO ) ends up reading it. And the likelihood of it ending up in your ex's hands is exponentially greater than if you never wrote it. I'd never given my crush in HS a 3-page love letter I'd written. A decade later, I tracked him down and sent it to him in an email bc I thought it'd be nice/we could laugh at it. It really freaked him out and I wish I hadn't.
- •Edit/ addition: as much as you can help it, don't think toxic thoughts about them.It might feel like a quick fix to turn sadness into rage, but it's another kind of obsessing when you should just be moving on. If you see them, don't be an asshole. If some time goes by and you hear from them, don't use it as an excuse to vomit up all their former shitty qualities/behavior and throw it in their face. My heart goes out to people who pull shit like this. It's very obvious when someone can't just move on, you know?