Ways I Was the Ned Ryerson of This Accidental Hs Reunion at Duane Reade

I can't tell if this girl was having a bad day or if we were in some Cold War stand-off that I forgot about. Both/neither? Either way, I get points for tenaciousness/refusing to read social cues!
  1. The total lack of affect when recognized.
    "ASHLEY??! Hiiiii!" was met by a wary side-eye and cautious "Hey."
  2. Pointed questions about which direction I was walking before making it clear she was going other way.
    "Doesn't matter! I'll walk you there!" I said, the worst, before telling her to look out for that puddle, it's a doozie!
  3. "Sorry, I must look disgusting," earned me another blank stare and then: "Yeah."
  4. "I don't believe marriage will keep a person from cheating on you," she said, when asked if she was gonna tie the knot with her bf.
    No, I GET that it's an annoying question, especially coming from a married friend. But this was on the heels of discussing a mutual friend's upcoming wedding and felt particularly barbed.
  5. "I'm talking about the Institution of Marriage, Drew, not the wedding itself."
    After I tried to pivot/relate with a joke about how they are a bitch to plan.
  6. "I don't remember the part where you got lost in the Red Light District on Ecstasy," she said, "but I believe it. Sounds like you."
    Look, she's going back to Amsterdam and we once went there together, thought we could share some memories. She apparently disagreed.
  7. "Should you be telling me about this?"
    Response to news that I ghostwrote my first book.
  8. "I hope your work pays for you to go to LA so much."
    Uh....?
  9. "Yeah, I would fire a person for that."
    Re: SuttonGate.
  10. "I know, I follow you on FB."
    Repeated after every thing I offered up about my life.
  11. "I'm fine."
    Repeated after every question I asked about hers.
  12. "It's good you are going to the gym."
    The part where I got all 😦🔫 and finally left her alone.