Who Knew? an Ongoing Compendium of My Most Awesome and Misunderstood Character Traits

Sometimes you need to keep it on a list
  1. Authorial mimicry
    I'm like Tom Hardy in Inception, except with writing. Give me three samples--books, emails, texts, whatever--and I'll be able to replicate an eerily similar voice by the next day.
  2. Animal mimicry
    Give me a stuffed animal and not only will I give it a personality; I'll give it a whole goddamn backstory.
  3. Knowing why YOU are interesting
    *If* I'm interested in you, which is a big qualifier, because it's EXHAUSTING. But if you make the cut: every time we talk I will be writing a short story about you in my head and finding new ways to describe you. Ask me about you, sometime! I have a lot of thoughts on the subject!
  4. Confidence
    All my life I've been told I was intense, and that I talk too much. After awhile it stopped being something shameful. If you like me, you'll like me. If you don't, that's one less head-story I need to write. Next!
  5. Obliviousness to physical or social change
    Gained 40 pounds? Got a terrible haircut? Talking shit about me before I entered the room? It's all good; I didn't notice AT ALL.
  6. Mania
    I'm too old and my hair is too long to be a pixie dream girl, but being manic panic 24/7 has its uses. I've never missed a deadline and usually turn in copy a week or two early. I'm good to brainstorm with, as long as you are comfortable telling me to shut up (nicely) and cede the floor to someone else's voice.
  7. Sensitivity
    I never thought of myself as sensitive. You know who was "sensitive?" Mary-Anne from Babysitters Club. I'm way more of a Claudia. But I feel everything very, very deeply. Maybe not CORRECTLY, but deeply. It's kind of intolerable, so I find ways to distract/tune out/make myself the news.
  8. Empathy (without consideration)
    I am constantly jumping a step and instead of asking people how they feel or why they might feel that way, I just get overstimulated trying to feel what they are feeling and show that I, too, have felt that way. It can come off like I am trying to upstage you for attention, but it comes from a good place of trying to relate. . I promise.
  9. Geniality
    If I don't have anything nice to say, I won't say it. At least not to your face.
  10. Eyebrows
    I feel like everyone has been very focused on my cheekbones for like two years now. But my eyebrows carried the attention of my face all my life; they deserve some credit. The woman at the waxing place went so far as to say "most beautiful eyebrows all day!"
  11. Self-awareness
    It's true! I am! To a fault! See: this entire list.
  12. Amusement
    I don't really need much: just give me TV and a coloring book, or some scratch-off lotto tickets and a bowel movement. A lady making terrible small talk on a plane and a napkin to scribble stuff on. Doesn't mean I'm not easily bored, it just means my standard for being entertained is at an equally low threshold.
  13. Self-care
    I know...LOL, right? But I can take care of myself and actually thrive in situations where I'm not just giving into hysteria as performance.
  14. Banter
    If any of you socially awkward peeps on ListApp--shoutout to all my homies!--ever need someone to lug to parties, I've never really had a problem with Making Conversation. And I'm available for texting all night, no matter what time zone.
  15. Mercy
    Not like "Frank Underwood dog murderer" mercy, either. As long as it takes me to process what you are trying to communicate, the moment I do I will try to stop the thing that's hurting you. (Note: TRY. And I'm not that perceptive, so it might take a bit.)
  16. Forgiveness
    I can forgive most anything besides bores.
  17. Flare
    I live my life like a peacock: fucking gorgeous and shrieking.
  18. Righteous vengeance
    I disassociate and have trouble imagining people I don't know well/at all as real humans, so if you need someone to come up with plot for putting sugar in your ex's gas tank, I'm your LittleFinger. (Note: I won't actually DO anything, ever. But it's fun to plot!)*
  19. *My ex wanted you all to know that he came up with the idea of the sugar in the gas tank to punk a guy who had dumped my little sister.