Thoughts While Taking a Shit

  1. 1 of these 2. "Ouch this burns" or "oh, this is pleasant"
  2. What's the name of that song with Jason derulo an snoop dogg with the whistling? (Look at phone). It's wiggle! Then play said song
  3. "Man, how much time have I spent pooping in my life so far?"
  4. "I actually wish Harry ended up with Cho Chang. Feel like it's weird for Ron to see his best buddy banging his sister."
  5. "How pissed would Ron be if Harry hooked up with Hermione"
  6. "Am I hot" (text 18 friends) "whew that was a resounding yes!"
  7. "If my middle name was Isaac, my initials would spell VIP"
  8. "Shouldn't have eaten that half of a ham sandwich I found in Wendy's bathroom"
  9. "I have attractive thighs" (take snapchat)
  10. "Will I be alone forever"
  11. "I bet if I trained from an early age I would be a decent r&b singer"
  12. "Red delicious are the most well-known apples for a reason. Although i do prefer Granny Smith. But let's be real I'm not made of money"
  13. "Money comes from paper"
  14. "Paper comes from trees. That confuses me"
  15. "Thank god for George Washington Carver inventing peanut butter"
  16. "Am I more thankful for him than regular George Washington? Duh"
  17. "I'm glad nobody ever found out about that time I kissed a girl"
  18. "Why do my parents never buy two-ply? I hate my life. I'm running away"
  19. "Why are those who fish called fisherman, but those who collect beanie babies not called beaniebabiesermen?"
  20. "I'm going to buy a bulldog and name him big fat Pauly"
  21. "My nickname in high school was boner-boy. Even the teachers called me that."
  22. "I should get back to writing my movie about the octopus that falls in love with a seagull that barely notices him"
  23. "I love romantic comedies"
  24. "Gretchen was def hotter than Regina George."
  25. "Rachel Mcadams was way cuter in wedding crashers"
  26. "I'd like people to start calling me lightning, so when people ask why, I can tell them I was launched by Zeus himself to grace the earth with my godly presence."
  27. "I take that back. I'm content with the relationships that concluded the Harry Potter series. Just wish Snape would have gotten some of that Harry's mom butt on his face before she died."
  28. And that's the process!