REASONS WHY MY DOG WONT POO

Jackson will not poo unless conditions are ideal: absolute silence. He has squat and aborted for the following reasons
  1. Saw a man on a skateboard.
  2. Saw a man on a skateboard on the opposite side of the street
  3. The light changed and startled him
  4. A huge gust of wind blew a potato chip bag in front of him
  5. A pigeon cooed
  6. I sneezed
  7. I prematurely took out the poop bag
  8. Ground was too wet this morning. Had to find dry-ish ground under a large tree in the park a block away
  9. A cockroach scurried by and startled him
  10. Ambulance