Rejected Chapter Titles from the "Early Adulthood" Section of My Memoir

  1. On Yoga Pants
    Thoughts In Praise of the Freshman 45
  2. The Year In Which "Cunt" Became My Favorite Word
  3. Noimnotmadthatsjustthewaymyfacelooks
    Sigh.
  4. Flower Crowns: A Rite of Passage
  5. Why Can't You Be Different?
    And Other Things I've Said to Men While Drunk
  6. It's Fine, Just Let Me Get On Top
    And Other Things I've Said to Men While Sober
  7. Of Course I Love My Job. It's Great.
    Everything's Great.
  8. There's a Cockroach In the Bathroom
  9. That Was Not A Sliding Door
    The Kate Foley Story
  10. I Have No Idea Where This Bruise Came From
  11. What Do You Mean, What Do I Mean?
    Because I Think "From Behind" Is PreTTy Self-Explanatory
  12. That's Not What I Ordered, But I'll Drink it Anyway
  13. YAAAAASBITCH
    Etc.