1. Jill Stein eats Grapenuts every morning and only ran for President because she misinterpreted the saying on the side of a Lululemon bag
  2. Gary Johnson still cries about Harambe
  3. Hillary Clinton thought Biggie and Tupac were the same person
  4. Donald Trump has been constipated for 20 years because he convinced himself he is above taking a shit
  5. Gary Johnson's favourite movie is Mystic Pizza
  6. Hillary Clinton created a special program at Guantanamo for inmates to sew her pantsuits
  7. Donald Trump is that orange because he has a fetish where he pretends to be the Cheetos cheetah
  8. Jill Stein once suggested that maybe ISIS just needs more probiotic in their diet
  9. Gary Johnson needs to drink warm milk every night before going to sleep
  10. Donald Trump believes women are just Barbies who have come to life because he once saw Life-Size
  11. Hillary Clinton has to drink 4 vodka sodas and look at a picture of the Oval Office before having sex with Bill
  12. Gary Johnson of once got lost in a Walmart and still goes to therapy for it
  13. Donald Trump didn't know a penny was a real thing until last week
  14. Gary Johnson thought sex was making out on top of a girl until he was 38
  15. Jill Stein tried to get Dr. Fünke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution to play at one of her rallies
  16. Hillary Clinton went through Menopause at 30 because it was most convenient for her schedule
  17. Donald Trump plays with fake battleships every bath time and makes his aides do the sound effects