THINGS SHORTER THAN THE TIME I'VE WAITED FOR MY ONLINE SHOPPING ORDER TO ARRIVE

*some of these may or may not be exaggerated
  1. Kim Kardashian's marriage to Kris Humphries
  2. The time it would take you to read War and Peace in both English and Russian
  3. The time it would take a slug to make it across Canada
  4. The length of one of Harry Styles relationships
  5. The time it took G.R.R.M to write The Winds of Winter
  6. A pregnancy
  7. The time it took Katie Holmes into her marriage with Tom Cruise to realize she wanted a divorce
  8. Becoming a master in a long forgotten form of martial arts
  9. The jail sentence for a minor crime
  10. The time it would take for me to have a nervous breakdown from impatience, get committed, get treatment and get released
  11. The time it would take me to remove each grain of sand from the Sahara with a pair of tweezers