Ruminations on Wearing a Suit

I haven't had to wear a suit and tie on the regs for quite some time. So when I do, like today, a few thoughts run through my head. Fellas, you feel me?
  1. I feel fat, but I look fly.
    Oof, a belt? At least this fabric drapes nicely over my bulgy bits.
  2. The barista is looking at me with newfound respect.
    Or newfound disdain... I guess it depends on where I stop for coffee.
  3. These shoes sound louder when I wear them with a suit.
    Like Clydesdale loud.
  4. Why do I always remember to brush my teeth AFTER I put on the noose, I mean tie?
    Have tie, will dribble.
  5. That time in law school when I told my dad I needed to buy a Brooks Brothers suit for interviews, and no other label would suffice.
    Ugh. What a tool I can be. If I were him, I'd make fun of me for that every chance I got.
  6. Why is everyone on the sidewalk glancing at my crotch?
    Oh right, the tie is a giant arrow, pointing at it.
  7. Does this backpack go with this suit?
    Of course not. But the sneakers and baseball cap for right after I finish this thing I wore the suit for, won't fit in the Jack Spade murse.
  8. I should wear a suit everyday.
    Nah.