THE FREQUENTLY USED EMOJIS OF A CERTIFIED EMOJI HATER

I have an inherent dislike of emojis so strong that I talk about it in my Tinder profile. But I do use them sometimes—these are those times
  1. 📷
    To give photo cred to others on Instagram
  2. ⚡️💥‼️💯
    When my friend sends me a pic of them looking hot, but I am too lazy to type out the usual "AHHHHHH omg !!!! you look so good"
  3. 🌟💫✨💛☄
    To express love to @tin. Yellow heart for when we were Snapchat best friends (then I deleted Snapchat), the celestial ones because I randomly love those? And she gets me, so she won't be like "why the fuck are you sending me a comet?" Ordered above from least to most serious (ex: 🌟 in response to her sending me a photo from the night before; 💛 or ☄ for I love you)
  4. 🐣❤️🐭
    To express love to my mom. I was born in the year of the rooster (variations: 🐤🐔🐥🐓), she was born in the year of the rat (🐀). I pretty much only use the red heart with my parents (and formerly with my ex), because it feels too serious/sincere to use with anyone else? In reality I am probably the only one reading into the heart colors this much
  5. 💕
    The "I like you!" of heart emojis. Used to express delight/gratitude/joy/sympathy for female friends. I feel like it's a sincere but not too intense expression of my appreciation for them and their presence in my life
  6. 💖
    The "I really like you and want you to know I am always here for you" of heart emojis. Basically the runner up to ❤️ and 💛. Also used exclusively for female friends, usually during moments of emotional duress (mine or theirs)
  7. 😪
    To express to my parents that I am working late again (which is why I have not called them/am not coming home next weekend), and I am resigned—but, importantly, not sad—about it. My parents both love emojis, so I always use them when I text them. Pretty much don't use any of the face ones with anyone else
  8. 🔥
    When I add someone from Tinder to my contacts but don't know their last name yet. I love this and think it's hilarious, despite everyone I know giving me side eye for it. I don't use any other dating apps, but if I did their last name emojis would be: 🐝 (Bumble), 💘 (OKC), 🚪(Hinge—this one is so boring and lowkey one of the reasons I will not be downloading Hinge again)
  9. That's it
    🙃