Greatest Fears Realized
The call is coming from inside the house. Or it's not. Whatever.
- •The mute function on my phone doesn't work, and everyone has conspired to not tell me I am constantly embarrassing myself.This is the prank I would play on me if I didn't want to be my friend anymore.
- •Finding myself in a room where everyone else has been to Burning Man.Needs no explanation. If you're reading this, you've likely been on one side of this experience or the other at least once.
- •Every NYC subway car isn't just covered floor to ceiling with urine and feces like we all suspect but also with semen.Animal semen.
- •Dad learns to use the Internet just enough to start sending Bitmoji every 20 minutes.Already happened. The. Living. Worst.
- •Mom learns to use the Internet, converts and uploads old childhood videos, and I become the new light saber kid.No comment.
- •The minibar isn't included in the all-inclusive resort vacation.Because reasons.
- •I'm the only one at the concert who can't name that tune by the end of it.Consistently happens at Phish shows, even though I've been going for 10 years.
- •Could have been using the force this whole time.Blessing in disguise. Probably would've joined the dark side.
- •When I construct an elaborate hate fantasy about some annoying person in front of me in line for several minutes and they turn out to be delightful.Would happen once a week if more people were delightful.
- •That all I had to say was nothing.Literally. Nothing. And there wouldn't have been a problem at all.