1. my phone is always there for me in good times and bad
  2. my phone can access all human knowledge
  3. my phone does not get sick of me even when we spend a lot of time together
  4. my phone will talk to me at a party when no one else will
  5. I can be naked in front of my phone and it doesn't judge my body
  6. it is able to contact all the people I love or have loved at anytime and from anywhere. but it never gets jealous
  7. my phone is with me when I greet the day and helps me go to sleep at night
  8. when we watch Black Mirror together I appreciate its interesting take on each episode
  9. using an appropriately broad definition, my phone and I have had sex