My Five Worst Summer Jobs Ever

With summer coming up I thought you'd want to know my worst summer jobs ever.
  1. 1.
    Neighborhood Lawnmower
    This is a hot and sweaty job to start with, but Florida? A hot and sweaty death trap. I only got paid like $20 per lawn which I think is literally criminal. I spent all of one summer doing this but really only mowed my own lawn which was only like once every two weeks so it wasn't that bad maybe.
  2. 2.
    Experimental Lego Builder
    This sounds like a cool job, right? Any design I want, no deadlines, no assignments. But they didn't even pay me. And you spend all of your time trying to find blue-2s and grey-4-flats in this big bag of unsorted blocks, and your mom is like why are you spending all day playing Legos.
  3. 3.
    Ghostwriter for David Foster Wallace
    Yeah, I've seen "The End of the Tour," and it wasn't fun like that at all. DFW is reading over your shoulder THE ENTIRE TIME, and you're like, "Micro-manage, much?"
  4. 4.
    Soda Jerk
    This sounded cool – be a "retro" soda jerk. But you're just standing there in that stupid red and white striped uniform serving no customers because the store closed 30-40 years ago. And then you get arrested for trespassing.
  5. 5.
    Deputy Chief of Staff for Slobodan Milošević
    This was right when the whole Serbian thing was in the news. Dark times.