Things a client did to me in August

There's still some August left.
  1. Approved the wireframes
    Hooray! The content strategist's work paid off.
  2. Approved the design direction
    *cracks knuckles* Ok cool now we know what we're building.
  3. Approved heroes from both photo shoots
    Me too! They look great.
  4. Switched the project lead
    Hey, nice to meet you. Here's what's been going on. The wireframes were approv—
  5. Changed the wireframes
    Hang on. What you've drawn up here isn't technologically possible. And the content is way too long for the specs.
  6. Announced they don't see the value in further content strategy
    So I have to fire her?
  7. Yes
    But who's going to make sure your content is complete, on-brand, spec'd for the designer, and organized to achieve your business goals?
  8. Switched the project lead again
    Hi. Yes I'm sure you have a very good ear for marketing copy. Should emails go to just you now?
  9. Expressed concern about going over budget
    I understand. That's why we have to be better about measuring twice and cutting once.
  10. Pushed up the launch date
    This deadline is firm? Aha. Did you know that in June?
  11. Asked to see more color in the designs
    Here are some options with accent colors on a white background, and black text on solid color backgrounds. Let us know which you prefer.
  12. Said the CEO can't approve designs unless he sees final photography dropped in
    That makes no sense. Would you wait until the second floor was built to approve the bluepri—
  13. Asked to see less color in the designs
    Less of which colors?
  14. Here, just make these specific changes
    Fine.
  15. Said the CEO doesn't like his headshots
    What? No! They've already been retouched! He had five weeks to review them! It will be costly to make these changes.
  16. Money is no object
    *stares into middle distance*
  17. Announced they don't see the value in further design
    I have to fire her too?
  18. Yes
    These are literally the exact changes you asked for. Who will design the rest of the pages? QA starts in ten days btw.
  19. Switched the project lead again
    You? You're going to design the rest of the pages?
  20. My wife is an interior decorator so... I kind of live in that world
    You're an attorney.
  21. Changed the wireframes
    This is madness. How do I code to a spec that keeps changing? Let's chat briefly about software development proc—
  22. Said the CEO would be too distracted by FPO photography to approve anything
    —and that's why Agile is starting to fall out of favor. Wait, did you say something?
  23. Asked for their logo to be bigger
    Natch.
  24. Provided a 90s-era image asset using a different font for inclusion on several pages
    Umm... just send the original file so I can touch it up. Who made this?
  25. Gretchen
    Who's Gretchen?
  26. The CEO's girlfriend
    *pours two fingers of rye whiskey*
  27. Asked for categorized search results
    No. That's an enhancement. QA started already, we're no longer building new features.
  28. Requested I drop in a vaguely Art Deco-looking new logo that's totally off-brand and also I don't get the sense anyone else has seen this logo
    Nope. No way. This matches nothing we've done since May. Did Gretchen make this over the weekend?
  29. Rescinded the request for new logo
    Is the content ready? We launch tonight.
  30. Pushed back the launch date
    Huh? I thought this date was firm? This is my thirty-ninth CONSECUTIVE day working on thi—
  31. Requested I drop in a different new logo
    *two more fingers of rye* absolutely, not a problem, can't wait to see it, send that shit over
  32. Said we need new hero shots because the CEO's hair looks weird
    That requires all new art direction. I'm about to switch the DNS records.
  33. Asked to restore the old logo
    Chin up, Gretchen.
  34. *post-launch radio silence*