THINGS I NEED TO SORT FOR MY WEDDING

I have a groom... That is all. Turns out that's not all you need.
  1. Venue - trickier than I thought although the Isle of Arran is looking good, car ferry car is an ok journey, it's not quite abroad
  2. Celebrant - preferably someone with a sense of humour that will let us take the piss slightly but will understand that we do in fact realise the seriousness but we still want a bit of fun "yes we understand the sanctity of marriage and the legal important bits..blah blah blah."
  3. Dress - something that will make my 5' 1" dumpy frame look like TayTay
  4. Bridesmaid dresses - I want them to look SO hot and SO glamorous but not so hot or so glamorous they take the attention off of me
  5. Flower girl dresses - I want my nieces to look like actual Disney fairies, it's what I would have wanted when I was 6 and 3
  6. Groom and groomsmens Kilts - well we are Scottish
  7. Photographer - make me pose and look into the distance and I WILL punch you in the throat
  8. Videographer - to totally capture all the cringeworthy side glances and sarcastic, behind the back, eye rolls
  9. Florist - thousands of flowers but like for no money, they die days later! Like your pre wedding mood!!!
  10. Hair - totally flowing but up, natural but absolutely flawless, lots of movement but doesn't move too much, long but short so it's not in my way...... Get the idea
  11. Make up - must make me look as polished as Beyoncé but I still want to look like me you know?!?!?!
  12. Accessories - no tiara and shoes that will blow 2 months mortgage payments
  13. Band - they have to keep me on the dance floor all night, I mean... All night! Drinks will be brought to me, and I'm hoping to have 2 toilet breaks max!
  14. Bridesmaids Gifts - something they can wear that's also as amazingly fun and bad ass as they are!!!
  15. Mother gifts - she deserves more than flowers!!!
  16. Favours - booze? Who doesn't love booze in miniature?!
  17. Centrepieces
  18. Save the dates - just text?
  19. Invitations - email allowed?
  20. On the day Stationery - I want it cool and hand drawn with a quirky twist but I don't want to pay for it or make it myself... Figure that one out!
  21. Guestbook - so all my friends and family can practise drawing spunking cocks all night