HAPPY FATHER'S DAY TO MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD

My dad? No way. He is my dad, not my best friend. Today is June 19th, my best friend, Zach's birthday.
  1. Zach and I met at a party my junior year of high school. It was at our friend, Zach's house.
    Confused yet? My brother's name is Zach, my friend's name is Zach, and my best friend's name is Zach. For the sake of this list, I'll refer to the birthday boy as Magdalene. You'll see why later.
  2. So Zach was having this party. Everyone was really excited because someone named "Gay Zach" was coming.
    I grew up in Kansas, where it's socially acceptable to qualify people by their sexual orientation.
  3. He showed up wearing a maroon suit jacket with silver sequined lapels. An item his mother made for him.
  4. The first thing he ever said to me was in response to my saying that I got my purse at target: "Honey, that is not something you should be telling people."
  5. A month or so later, I auditioned for a show at his school and we ended up in it together.
  6. Then that same thing happened for another show.
  7. As it turns out, we are both very similar people.
    We love pop music, theater, and gay icons. We could eat nothing but tex mex and pastries for the rest of our lives. We don't like hugs, but we love to cuddle in bed. We abide by fashion laws and we like to make fun of people who don't. We like day drinking and being near the water. We are messy but motivated. We are creative and very into proper grammar.
  8. It was a very gradual evolution into best friendship.
    At some point, he asked me to be in his summer fashion show. Even after I found out that he is an insane control freak, I stayed friends with him (which is more than I can say for most of his other models).
  9. My senior year of high school, our theater director made us the happiest kids on earth and cast us as husband and wife in the fall play. We kissed for the first time doing this show and we basically never stopped after that.
  10. We were in "Pirates of Penzance" together after that, and we would sit in the audience during rehearsal, eating pretzel baguettes from Trader Joes and talking shit on the show. It was awful.
  11. I surprised him on his 18th birthday and took him to the lake with some other friends. He screamed and threw his phone across the room when we popped out and yelled "happy birthday".
  12. I moved to Chicago and he finished his last year of high school. I took a megabus to Kansas City when he was Ms. Tottendale in "The Drowsy Chapperone" to see him and we cried together about it.
  13. He moved to London for fashion school and we had to figure out how to communicate through time zones. It was tough.
  14. He introduced himself to his fashion school friends as "Magdalene" because he's an actual insane person. It's hilarious.
    He's going to be a famous fashion designer and everyone is going to think he's a biblical prostitute.
  15. He moved to Paris for a different fashion school this year and we FaceTime about once a month. It's enough.
  16. I miss him tremendously and I call him every time I kiss a new boy. He doesn't always answer my FaceTime calls, but he has this incredible intuition and always answers when it's a kiss story call.
  17. He is my person. We even have these key chains that we both turned into necklaces. His has "you are" on it.
  18. I hope everyone in the world has a friendship like Magdalene and I have.
    Ugh I can't even call him that. I hate it. I hope y'all know friendship like Zachary and I do.