REASONS BYU QUARTERBACK TANNER MANGUM SHOULD MARRY A CREEPY 29-YEAR-OLD.
Specifically this creepy 29-year-old.
- •I actually have no interest in spending all of my time with someone, so he could always be gone doing football things and I wouldn't care.
- •I like football. A lot. But not so much that I would always talk to him about it. And I don't pretend to know how to make teams or players better, so it would just be like, "Carry on. Do your thing."
- •Related to but different from the previous: former cheerleader. So, win or lose, I'm on your side.
- •I'm independent. Aka not needy.
- •I already did the college thing, so it's not like living on campus has me looking at him or the world through blue-colored glasses.
- •I have a career. I mean, sure he's on scholarship. But extra cash wouldn't be bad.
- •Related to but different from the previous: my career happens to be as an attorney. So when it comes time for him to go to the NFL, I can translate those contracts for him. Free of charge.
- •My brother was a D1 college athlete, so...I'm not sure why that matters, but it seems like it puts me at an advantage for understanding the pressure he's under or something.
- •I'm cool, okay. And seven years isn't *that* big of a difference.
- •I have an adorable dog.