REASONS BYU QUARTERBACK TANNER MANGUM SHOULD MARRY A CREEPY 29-YEAR-OLD.

Specifically this creepy 29-year-old.
  1. 1.
    I actually have no interest in spending all of my time with someone, so he could always be gone doing football things and I wouldn't care.
  2. 2.
    I like football. A lot. But not so much that I would always talk to him about it. And I don't pretend to know how to make teams or players better, so it would just be like, "Carry on. Do your thing."
  3. 3.
    Related to but different from the previous: former cheerleader. So, win or lose, I'm on your side.
  4. 4.
    I'm independent. Aka not needy.
  5. 5.
    I already did the college thing, so it's not like living on campus has me looking at him or the world through blue-colored glasses.
  6. 6.
    I have a career. I mean, sure he's on scholarship. But extra cash wouldn't be bad.
  7. 7.
    Related to but different from the previous: my career happens to be as an attorney. So when it comes time for him to go to the NFL, I can translate those contracts for him. Free of charge.
  8. 8.
    My brother was a D1 college athlete, so...I'm not sure why that matters, but it seems like it puts me at an advantage for understanding the pressure he's under or something.
  9. 9.
    I'm cool, okay. And seven years isn't *that* big of a difference.
  10. 10.
    I have an adorable dog.