1. Shallow young adult looking forward to learning important lessons from inspiring athletes
  2. Among hopeful morals: perseverance, sensitivity, soul-enriching 21st century family values
  3. "Really looking forward to my second string overcoming thematically appropriate personal dilemmas around same time as final game," said Coach
  4. Diversity and vibrancy of personalities to be displayed via clashing primary color uniforms, instead of sleeker, black-and-grey jersey worn by more established outfit
  5. "Last year my team went 12-0," Coach noted with a heavy sigh, "and, like, how am I supposed to learn anything from that?"